The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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