All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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