I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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