but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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