My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just puked most of my soul out..
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
