Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
