my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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