The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
