His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
