you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
