I must be too annoying 4 u.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
