i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
why do cheetos always look like penises
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
