pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
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