I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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