I need help removing her.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
