I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
