My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
