He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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