That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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