My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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