I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
