got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
