I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you inspire me to be a worse person
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
