She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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