found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
