Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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