Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
