ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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