We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
