what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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