she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
