Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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