Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
