I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Randomize
