there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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