this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
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So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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