wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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