my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
