Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
