My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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