Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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