No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
