Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
