why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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