Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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