I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
