Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
