I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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