using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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