So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
