Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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