i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
