I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
