Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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