tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
