Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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