you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
