i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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