You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
