How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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