it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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