I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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