fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
