You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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