So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
