I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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