No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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