So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
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