I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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