Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Randomize
