PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
