Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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