Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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