I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
