you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
