highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Your cock deserves a montage
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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