Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"