And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
