Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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