overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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