Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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