That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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