Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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