when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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