Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
