I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
