he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
