can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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